I don't know why I've been feeling alot of doubts lately.
Doubts about myself.
About everyone else.
Everything just seems too surreal.
Too confusing.
Perplexing.
And I'm getting tired of guessing how I feel.
Or what makes me feel this way.
Or what others feel.
Know what.
I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ALREADY.WHICHEVER.
WHATEVER.
I'm tired.
Don't need to speculate.
My mind's in a mess.
So are my words.
Nothing's making sense.
Okay.
That's enough for the night.
Enough.
Stop.
Nights.
This is like a freaking routine nowadays.
WTH WTH WTH WTH WTH.
and there she goes chasing her fairytales, 02:32
WHEN ALL ELSE FAILS.
AND YOU FEEL SO FREAKING CRAPPY INSIDE.
INDULGE
IN
RETAIL THERAPY.
THIS IS THE ART OF SELF RECOVERY.
and there she goes chasing her fairytales, 01:24
I need therapy.
Shopping therapy.
Chocs.
Loads of it.
Whichever.
Whatever.
Anything will do just fine.
Awesome.
Ain't this awesome?
and there she goes chasing her fairytales, 23:07
:] :] :] :] :] :] :] :] :] :] :] :] :] :] :] :] :] :]
I'm feeling so...
Yeah.
Yeah right.
Absolutely.
This is a pointless entry.
So don't ask :]
and there she goes chasing her fairytales, 00:53
zzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!
This feels like crap.
and there she goes chasing her fairytales, 00:48
I use to really look forward to outings.
Like alot alot alot.
I had this sudden thought that maybe I'm starting to dread the way things are a little.
Cos I know very well if this goes on, it's going to be harder when I need to leave.
This closeness is amazing.
Yet it aint helping what that's going to happen.
I really felt like rejecting you.
Stop replying.
Just disappear.
Once and for all.
Cos it's starting to hurt badly.
And I don't know if I still can continue with it.
Then you come along and say something out of the blue.
And makes me forget whatever that's been running through my head.
OH MAN.
WHAT TO DO?
and there she goes chasing her fairytales, 23:53
I don't when this state of confusion will end.
But all I know is.
I'm not going listen to whatever that keeps running through my head for now.
And think with the heart.
Who cares about logic.
It's going to be very painful at the end of the day.
But like I said.
This is my choice.
I asked for it.
So let's get ready for whatever that's going to happen.
Cat's out of the bag.
And I don't know whether to feel glad about it or upset.
We always have this dilemma of whether or not we should be truthful.
On one hand, it's been inside for far too long.
Anddddddddd. We can stop guessing and come clean about everything :] :]
I hate guessing games.
Okay I don't exactly hte it but its just excruciating and it turns me delusional when I start imagining my own stories.
At least we can say things that I've always wanted to say all along :]
Loves.
Yet, Truth hurts.
Cos there'll be this question and we'll start to ask ourselves.
So what now?
NOTHING.
OKAY. WE SHALL NOT START THE NEGATIVE CYCLE ALRIGHT :]
Let's just live today like it is.
Love like it is.
I know what's keeping me going.
And it's something you probably might never find out.
It's okay. You don't need to :]
LOVES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:]
and there she goes chasing her fairytales, 16:39
VIVIAN IS STILL IN SHOCK.
Everything's still very much unreal.
AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Oh my goodness.
What the hell just happened.
SIGHS!
and there she goes chasing her fairytales, 01:21
I'm really feeling the struggle.
What am I to tell you?
What are you to reply?
Why do you need to know?
So what if I told you?
and there she goes chasing her fairytales, 23:50
and there she goes chasing her fairytales, 22:56
1 hour 15 minutes and counting.
HOW.
My heart feels very heavy tonight.
and there she goes chasing her fairytales, 22:44
I'm suddenly very afraid.
Cos you're so close to finding out.
I really don't want to know what happens if you ever do.
I should shut up about certain things.
SIGH.
It's the only thing that I hide from you for now.
OH GOSH.
I don't think I can be like Miss Kat or C.
I don't have that much courage.
I'm only brave enough to hide in the shadows a distance away.
That's why I admire them actually.
At times I really feel the urge to spill everything.
Yet I know I'll need to risk everything that there is.
Awhile ago I wanted to let it end on an ugly note and just walk away.
Yet as soon as that thought crosses me, you'll come around the heart and pull me back again.
With that, how can I ever ever ever turn back and leave?
How can be selfish and risk all that you've done and all that I've fought for?
I know I have to keep it all in.
Keep it all down.
And it will all be great and awesome again.
说了一个谎，就要说更多谎来圆上一个谎...
and there she goes chasing her fairytales, 02:12
Lime Light.
I think I'm falling falling falling very deep.
But I don't have the heart to stop myself.
Not anymore.
I'm getting to the sudden outbursts I have already.
The same old routine.
Sometimes we do the craziest of things, that even you yourself find it absurd.
Then things don’t turn out your way.
And you question yourself.
Why?
Why are you doing all these?
What for?
Things not meant to be will never be.
It left you dejected and all broken down inside.
Then you tell yourself.
Let’s walk away.
But then. Something will somehow pull you back.
All the time.
Tiramisu.
Calls.
Smses.
Limelight.
Yes, the passion flares again.
And you find yourself running back to where you left.
Where you started to fall.
Where it all started.
This is a pointless entry cos there’s no conclusion to it.
And while typing this whole entry.
I felt the ups and downs inside all over again.
It’s like part of me now.
Oh wells.
Like you say,
Move forward and remember the happy things :]
I'VE FALLEN TOO DEEP.
BUT I'M LOVING EVERY MOMENT.
EVERY SECOND.
:]
and there she goes chasing her fairytales, 23:10
Maybe? Maybe.
Maybe?
Maybe.
SIGH.
I hate feeling :) at one moment and :( the very next.
I hate guessing games.
I hate answering my own mulitple choice questions.
I hate asking you questions then answering them myself.
I hate guessing what on earth goes on inside your head.
Who?
What?
When?
And above all. WHY???
I hate feeling this way for i dont know how many freaking days.
AND THE THING IS.
I hate the fact that I cannot stop myself from all thoughts.
It's occupying so much inside my head I lose track of everything else.
Cos its what I think about day in day out now.
Every method's not working at all :(
SIGH.
Then I realised. I ended up almost sharing everything.
SIGH.
AND.
I don't really hate it all.
I can't.
I find it hard to hate it all.
and there she goes chasing her fairytales, 01:58
You win hands down.
Anddddd. Singing therapy works.
Like alot.
and there she goes chasing her fairytales, 00:59
I need singing therapy.
This is all getting too blah for my liking.
I'm confused.
Very.
and there she goes chasing her fairytales, 00:50
Now with all that.
How can I ever bear to walk away?
and there she goes chasing her fairytales, 03:15
It's going to be awesome.
It needs to be awesome.
It will be awesome.
And above all.
Worthwhile.
Worthy.
Worth it all.
LET'S GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D
and there she goes chasing her fairytales, 00:20
