<3 VIVIAN's princess diary(:

2011-01-12T02:27:00.002+08:00

Hello! I get it already, I felt it already. I know you're looking for me. I'm not going to hide anymore. I'm looking for you too. I've got so much to say to you. Please wait for me. Please. I got truckloads of things to say to you, really.

It's odd how I'm afraid of being alone now. Very afraid. Why should I be right? Why do I need anyone else to understand me when I already do so myself. Perhaps its cos I know everything so well. Every weakness, every insecurities. It makes me feel vulnerable like this. Very vulnerable.

I just need to keep looking. And looking and looking and looking. I know you are doing the same. How can you ever find me if I keep hiding right?

"Faith is taking that first step when you cannot see the entire staircase."

I know. I need to take that first step. Right now right now right now.

2010-01-31T23:24:00.001+08:00

i not going to believe you anymore

2010-01-31T23:22:00.000+08:00

I think I should just go kill myself
I think I should just go and die.

2010-01-31T23:12:00.000+08:00

Facebook's a bitch.
I just feel like not talking and staring blankly the whole night.

2009-12-20T02:49:00.003+08:00

Hello little space of mine. It's been a long long time. I don't know, suddenly feel the urge to spill out random thoughts to a screen again. Maybe cos my little book of thoughts is abit far away and I'm too lazy to pull it out.

And you're going. Now, now, what is it this time round?

Idk.

It's just that every time I see or read or hear certain stuffs, I just lose every strength to continue. It hits me so so bad every single time. Every little step seems so so so so far away. And I know what I should do. I know what I need to do.

Perhaps thats the way to do it. Keep reading those stuffs, keep telling myself those stuffs. And I'll learn to stop taking another step forward.

Haven't you learnt?

So let's just go with the plan.

2009-11-18T04:30:00.001+08:00

Can we still believe?

2009-10-15T00:45:00.001+08:00

I wanted to take back what I said and say I'm still a believer.

But. I guess it's harder getting those words out now.
How?

2009-10-14T23:35:00.003+08:00

" After awhile you learn
the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn that love doesn’t mean possession
and company doesn’t mean security.

And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts
and presents aren’t promises and you begin to accept
your defeats with your head up and your eyes ahead
with the grace of an adult not the grief of a child.

And you learn to build your roads today
because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans
and futures have ways of falling down in mid-flight.

After awhile you learn that even sunshine
burns if you get too much so you plant your
own garden and decorate your own soul

instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure
that you really are strong
and you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn… "

Yup and I learnt things are pretty much the same afterall.
Nothing's changed.
Right from the beginning.
The very very very very beginning when I first saw you.
Nothing's changed since then.
And nothing will change :]

2009-09-29T02:10:00.002+08:00

Sometimes I really feel its better not to feel anything at all.
Not having to feel,
not having to think.
Not having to numb yourself with things to do, yet at the end of the day you realise nothing gets done.
I don't know.
I don't want to know.

Maybe we're better off like that.

It's raining outside nowwwwwwww.

2009-09-27T03:42:00.002+08:00

Someone told me something today.
Whenever you feel everything around you is dark and all you can see is just shadows and darkness,
always remember.
For that shadow to be there, there must have been a light source.
So bear with that shadow for now, and look for that light source!

That made things feel better. Really.
Girlfriends helped alot alot alot too. Go away shadow! I want to search for my light source. I don't want to be girl B.

But why does it still hurt so much?
I don't want to feel anymore.
Think anymore.

2009-09-11T15:05:00.002+08:00

Spent the whole freaking night just thinking in circles and circles.

Do you love that someone, or are you in love with that person?
Then, are you in love with that someone, or are you just in love with the feeling of being in love?
Is every single relationship just a habit that you're used to, or it's a habit you don't want to kick?
Is that how every relationship with slowly turn into?
A habit. Then slowly, eventually, a routine.
Why is that the person you love the most would not be the one you eventually spend your lifetime with?
If it's really like that, then which one of them would you rather be?
Roomie asked this question last night that left me feeling very very lost.
Isn't it every girl's dream to spend a lifetime with someone whom you love the most and who love you the most? That's why you chose that path isn't it.

Then again, how do you quantify love.

Why love needs to be so complicated.
Why must you all burst the pretty bubble.
Why complicate something that is meant to be so beautiful.
WHY.
Why can't love be like Carl and Ellie's story.
Amazingly beautiful.
Simple.
Yet words will never be enough to describe their love they share.

It didn't use to be so complicated in my world.
I still believe, if he/she is the right one, everything would fall into place.
Isn't it?????????????????
If it is really so complicated.
I rather not love anymore.
Not feel anymore.
Ever.
Ever.

"It's better to love and lost than never to have loved before."
I don't believe.
I think it'll be too painful.

I shouldn't have read that stupid physics book.
Now I kept thinking about parallel universe and thinking about which of the many 'me' is making that decision. Well, at the very least, maybe one of 'me' found that fairytale.

2009-09-01T23:14:00.002+08:00

I feel very very tired all of a sudden.
Don't feel like doing anything at all.
Just feel that life's passing me by.

Seconds.
Minutes.

2009-08-08T01:46:00.001+08:00

I feel very very very very very drained.
There were alot to type about.
But I just lost my train of thoughts.

Pack pack pack.

2009-08-07T23:18:00.002+08:00

Somewhere far far away tonight.
Well not exactly that far away.
Something small but held very very very dear gets packed away and sent to Neverland.
Taken away.
Torn out.
Whatever goes.
Just removed.
Till all that's left is an empty space.
Pack it away, pack it away.
So that you don't have to lug it around everyday.

I need to pluck up that same amount of courage as well.

RAH.
I feel very disorientated tonight.
I want ice cream.
Now.

2009-08-04T00:18:00.001+08:00

No amount of :( can describe what's going on.
I freaking hate this.
Freaking hate it.

WHAT TO DO.
I asked for it.

2009-07-27T02:32:00.004+08:00

I don't know why I've been feeling alot of doubts lately.
Doubts about myself.
About everyone else.
Everything just seems too surreal.
Too confusing.
Perplexing.
And I'm getting tired of guessing how I feel.
Or what makes me feel this way.
Or what others feel.

Know what.
I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ALREADY.
WHICHEVER.
WHATEVER.
I'm tired.

Don't need to speculate.
My mind's in a mess.
So are my words.
Nothing's making sense.

Okay.
That's enough for the night.
Enough.
Stop.
Nights.
This is like a freaking routine nowadays.
WTH WTH WTH WTH WTH.

2009-07-27T01:24:00.001+08:00

WHEN ALL ELSE FAILS.
AND YOU FEEL SO FREAKING CRAPPY INSIDE.

INDULGE
IN
RETAIL THERAPY.

THIS IS THE ART OF SELF RECOVERY.

2009-07-25T23:07:00.001+08:00

I need therapy.
Shopping therapy.
Chocs.
Loads of it.
Whichever.
Whatever.
Anything will do just fine.
Awesome.
Ain't this awesome?

2009-07-25T00:53:00.003+08:00

:] :] :] :] :] :] :] :] :] :] :] :] :] :] :] :] :] :]

I'm feeling so...
Yeah.
Yeah right.
Absolutely.
This is a pointless entry.
So don't ask :]

2009-07-20T00:48:00.001+08:00

zzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!
This feels like crap.

2009-07-17T23:53:00.002+08:00

I use to really look forward to outings.
Like alot alot alot.
I had this sudden thought that maybe I'm starting to dread the way things are a little.
Cos I know very well if this goes on, it's going to be harder when I need to leave.
This closeness is amazing.
Yet it aint helping what that's going to happen.
I really felt like rejecting you.
Stop replying.
Just disappear.
Once and for all.
Cos it's starting to hurt badly.
And I don't know if I still can continue with it.

Then you come along and say something out of the blue.
And makes me forget whatever that's been running through my head.
OH MAN.
WHAT TO DO?

2009-07-16T16:39:00.002+08:00

I don't when this state of confusion will end.
But all I know is.
I'm not going listen to whatever that keeps running through my head for now.
And think with the heart.
Who cares about logic.

It's going to be very painful at the end of the day.
But like I said.
This is my choice.
I asked for it.
So let's get ready for whatever that's going to happen.

Cat's out of the bag.
And I don't know whether to feel glad about it or upset.
We always have this dilemma of whether or not we should be truthful.
On one hand, it's been inside for far too long.
Anddddddddd. We can stop guessing and come clean about everything :] :]
I hate guessing games.
Okay I don't exactly hte it but its just excruciating and it turns me delusional when I start imagining my own stories.
At least we can say things that I've always wanted to say all along :]
Loves.

Yet, Truth hurts.
Cos there'll be this question and we'll start to ask ourselves.
So what now?
NOTHING.
OKAY. WE SHALL NOT START THE NEGATIVE CYCLE ALRIGHT :]

Let's just live today like it is.
Love like it is.
I know what's keeping me going.

And it's something you probably might never find out.
It's okay. You don't need to :]

LOVES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:]

2009-07-16T01:21:00.002+08:00

VIVIAN IS STILL IN SHOCK.
Everything's still very much unreal.
AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Oh my goodness.
What the hell just happened.

SIGHS!

2009-07-13T23:50:00.002+08:00

I'm really feeling the struggle.
What am I to tell you?
What are you to reply?
Why do you need to know?
So what if I told you?

2009-07-13T22:56:00.001+08:00

An hour and 5 minutes.

2009-07-13T22:44:00.001+08:00

1 hour 15 minutes and counting.
HOW.
My heart feels very heavy tonight.

2009-07-13T02:12:00.002+08:00

I'm suddenly very afraid.
Cos you're so close to finding out.
I really don't want to know what happens if you ever do.
I should shut up about certain things.
SIGH.
It's the only thing that I hide from you for now.
OH GOSH.

I don't think I can be like Miss Kat or C.
I don't have that much courage.
I'm only brave enough to hide in the shadows a distance away.
That's why I admire them actually.

At times I really feel the urge to spill everything.
Yet I know I'll need to risk everything that there is.
Awhile ago I wanted to let it end on an ugly note and just walk away.
Yet as soon as that thought crosses me, you'll come around the heart and pull me back again.
With that, how can I ever ever ever turn back and leave?
How can be selfish and risk all that you've done and all that I've fought for?

I know I have to keep it all in.
Keep it all down.
And it will all be great and awesome again.

说了一个谎，就要说更多谎来圆上一个谎...

Lime Light.

2009-07-12T23:10:00.003+08:00

Lime Light.

I think I'm falling falling falling very deep.
But I don't have the heart to stop myself.
Not anymore.
I'm getting to the sudden outbursts I have already.
The same old routine.

Sometimes we do the craziest of things, that even you yourself find it absurd.
Then things don’t turn out your way.
And you question yourself.
Why?
Why are you doing all these?
What for?
Things not meant to be will never be.
It left you dejected and all broken down inside.
Then you tell yourself.
Let’s walk away.

But then. Something will somehow pull you back.
All the time.
Tiramisu.
Calls.
Smses.
Limelight.
Yes, the passion flares again.
And you find yourself running back to where you left.
Where you started to fall.
Where it all started.

This is a pointless entry cos there’s no conclusion to it.
And while typing this whole entry.
I felt the ups and downs inside all over again.
It’s like part of me now.
Oh wells.

Like you say,
Move forward and remember the happy things :]

I'VE FALLEN TOO DEEP.
BUT I'M LOVING EVERY MOMENT.
EVERY SECOND.
:]

Maybe? Maybe.

2009-07-09T01:58:00.003+08:00

Maybe? Maybe.

Maybe?
Maybe.
SIGH.
I hate feeling :) at one moment and :( the very next.
I hate guessing games.
I hate answering my own mulitple choice questions.
I hate asking you questions then answering them myself.
I hate guessing what on earth goes on inside your head.
Who?
What?
When?
And above all. WHY???
I hate feeling this way for i dont know how many freaking days.
AND THE THING IS.
I hate the fact that I cannot stop myself from all thoughts.

It's occupying so much inside my head I lose track of everything else.
Cos its what I think about day in day out now.
Every method's not working at all :(
SIGH.

Then I realised. I ended up almost sharing everything.
SIGH.
AND.
I don't really hate it all.
I can't.
I find it hard to hate it all.

2009-07-09T00:59:00.001+08:00

You win hands down.

Anddddd. Singing therapy works.
Like alot.

2009-07-08T00:50:00.001+08:00

I need singing therapy.
This is all getting too blah for my liking.
I'm confused.
Very.

2009-07-07T03:15:00.000+08:00

Now with all that.
How can I ever bear to walk away?

AWESOME!

2009-07-01T00:20:00.002+08:00

It's going to be awesome.
It needs to be awesome.
It will be awesome.

And above all.

Worthwhile.
Worthy.
Worth it all.

LET'S GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D

2009-06-30T02:11:00.002+08:00

Spot the difference!

I see it now.
You're just out of this world.

2009-06-30T01:39:00.002+08:00

READY?
SET?
LET'S GO :D

I'm stressed.
But I'll be fine :D
I'll be great :D
And get well soon :D

Of Dreams :]

2009-06-29T12:46:00.002+08:00

Of Dreams :]

I just realised not long ago that I've already realised one of the dreams I've pen down since long long ago.
Looking back, I wouldn't have thought that it'll really come true.
At least not so quickly.
I wrote that dream down in sec 4 and thought it'll be realised in my late 20's.
OH WELLS :D

Now its about a dream that's expiring in a week's time.
Hahahahhahhahahhahhaaa.
I'm still holding on to the idea that this wild dream might still come true :D

MISTAKEN IDENTITY AND THE DEEP BLUE SEA.

2009-06-25T22:19:00.007+08:00

MISTAKEN IDENTITY AND THE DEEP BLUE SEA.

Mistaken.
Twice today.
Hmm what an irony!
I don't know to feel thrilled or upset.
Maybe its like Ecstatic for a few seconds but after the reality of it sets in it just gets BLAH.
Yeah BLAH's the word to describe.
Cos I just can't find another word good enough to describe it.

Okay but still.
Happy.
Let's just remember all that adrenaline rush first :]
At least I caught sight of the oasis! :]
Or Deep Blue Sea, as I would like to call it instead.

View's Awesome :]
Breathtaking.
Spectacular.
Amazing :]

It's so vast and great you can never embrace all of it at once.
Sometimes you want to go closer.
Reach out for something you hold dear.
Sometimes you find staring it from afar.
Like how you'll lean back and admire a distant star.
Then slowly taking in and embracing all its its beauty.

Makes you want to make it yours.

Have you caught a bottle of sea before?
It loses all its blue and green.
Where nothing's left to be seen.
Like any glass of plain water.
Like tears of afters.
Nothing more than an empty bottle.
Or bottle of emptiness.

Why is the sea blue?
They like to ask.
The sea is only as blue as its sky gets.
A bottle of sea is only as colourful as the underside of its bottlecap.
Just like how bob needs jello.
HAHAHA. Okay.
Just like how broadway needs her stage to shine.
Just like how music needs its lyrics to make you cry.
Just ike how stars need their night to shimmer.
Just like how pop princess needs her glimmer.

The sea needs its sky.

And you can't give it the sky it needs.

My piece of sky's not huge enough for that deep blue sea.

THURSDAY THURSDAY THURSDAY!

2009-06-24T20:08:00.005+08:00

TODAY IS WEDNESDAY AND TOMORROW'S THURSDAY.
HAHAHAHAHA WHEEE.
YAYNESS.
TOTALLY RANDOM.
Well.

Oh ya, Ernica's coming home tomorrow too!! :]
I suddenly realised alot of people are flying here and there these few days.
Like Amy!

IT'S TUESDAY!

2009-06-24T00:15:00.003+08:00

IT'S TUESDAY!

YAY ONE MORE DAY DOWN!!!
WHEE!

Shucks.
Note the frequency of blog posts this week.
I'm like waking up every morning and asking WHAT DAY IS IT!
IS IT TODAY?
TODAY!?!?!

This is so horribly wrong.
BUT who cares.

OH AND ITS ACTUALLY OFFICIALLY WEDNESDAY FOR NOW :D
YAYYYYYYYYYYY!

Okay chill. I'll go read my book. How did you know anyway!

Of Fireflies and The Light of Life.

2009-06-22T22:43:00.008+08:00

Of Fireflies and The Light of Life.

Like what you've taught.
Some are just not worth the time :]

Everyday, we're caught up with all that shimmer and shine around us.
We start to spend everyday chasing and chasing and chasing those spots of blinding light.
All that while you're just fascinated with that light and keep reaching out to make it yours.
Most, I realised, fade away as quickly as they appear.
When they do, that sudden darkness overwhelms you and leaves you lost.
When one fades off, another would appear.
Sometimes many appear at the same time.
But at the end of the day, all fade away.
That's when you find yourself lost.
All over again.
And again.

Sometimes all it needs its just a step back from all that lights.
Then you realise those are just puny fireflies.
As puny as my nails now btw.
You also realised that those on and off flickering don't look as alluring as they seem anymore.
Gradually, you see this faint but steady stream of light that appears far far far away.

Sometimes we all need a step back.
To see things a little clearer.
So we know what's important and what's not.
Like what I told a little boy during camp.
1,3,5.
You tell yourself if it's important or not :]

Truth be told, that just might be another firefly.
That, we would know not.
But for now, it's not fading or flickering.
It does not leave you faltering.
And keeps you going forth.

Whenever my world starts to give a little sigh,
you'll always happen to pop by and say Hi :)

With all these,
how can I ever forget?

How am I ever to forget.

This is not a promise.
It's already a part of me.

2009-06-22T19:58:00.001+08:00

OH BTW.
I was kidding about letting it end.
That was just for a poetic end.
Purely for literary purpose haha.

SICKK.

2009-06-22T00:37:00.002+08:00

SICK.

Yeah, day 2 only and I fell sick.
Vivian CUI.
This is bad.

Met up with quite a few groups of people just recently.
Council.
Beloved 07S11!
It’s interesting seeing what Time has done to all of us.
Some of us took huge leaps forward since we last met.
Some flew, too far away, and never came back.
Some went into hiding and disappeared behind his own shadows.
Some jogged about. On a treadmill. And were like how we knew them.
Some came back with stories, of life, of love.
Some geared up for a huge change.
Some already took that brave step into the new chapter.
To those, hats off, I would say.
Abandoning all that you’ve had and leave for somewhere new is something I’ve always imagined doing.
It’s a dream for now, not a goal.
So I’m cool.

What’s the difference between Dreams and Goals anyway?
That’s for another day :]

Honestly, every story was admirable.
I wonder which category I belong to in their eyes.
Whichever.
I’m getting ready for chapter two!
It’s got you in it! :]
That’s how I want it to be :]

I can't be bothered to be a poet at work for now.
Cos Time's not on my side.
Emotions?
Let it run.
Let it out.
Let it flow.
Let it love :]
Then.
Let it end.

One Fine Day when you flew to JARKATA!

2009-06-20T00:36:00.006+08:00

One Fine Day :]

It's Day One!
Not officially yet. And I'm already so bored. Not bored bored la.
Just have this constant weird feeling that something is missing.
LIKE SOMETHING IS LACKING.
ABSENT.
VACANT.
EMPTYYYYYYYYY.
If only you could take me along.
IT'S JUST DAMN WEIRD WALKING HOME NOW.
Feels damn weird walking home in the night and not sneaking out HAHAHAHA!
And no one comments on clothes anymore.
You know, I'm really scared to go back to life like this!
OH WELLS.
TIME TO LEARN TO BE INDEPENDENT OKAY :D
Hair extensions are so going to be out! :]
THERE, I SAID IT.
Love the way things are now.
I can just simply sms MISS YA whenever I want to.
It's a different meaning altogether!

AND YOU KNOW WHAT.
I'VE GOT A FEELING YOU DO KNOW ABOUT THIS SPACE.
JUST THAT YOU CHOOSE NOT TO KNOW.
WHATEVER IT IS... LET IT BE :D

P.S. I KNOW I MOOD SWING :D

FLU. BUT VERY VERY HAPPY.

2009-06-19T00:39:00.002+08:00

Are you having a cold?

Yes, and how on earth did you know?
Oh wells, you always know.
I stopped TRYING to cover up anything already.
Cos somehow or other, you always know.
Flu's getting bad I think.
BUT WHO CARES.
I'M LIKE :D :D :D NOW.

Sorry I was behaving like a spoilt brat.
Why think about things that upset you when there's so much more things that make you :]
Sorry I felt the way I felt.
I can't help it at times.
But I guess, let's just be contented with whatever we have :]
AND I AM :D :D :D
I AM LEARNING HOW TO :D
LIKE WHAT I ALWAYS SAY.
THANKS FOR EVERYTHING.
For that fourteen chunks of pineapple heehee.

2009-06-18T02:47:00.006+08:00

I REALLY WANT TO TELL YOU.
COS I NEED THAT CLOSURE AS MUCH AS YOU DO.

THEN AGAIN.
Like I say, my answer will be different from yours.
Cos I'm that kind who...
Even if I can't find that oasis, I'll not stay for a well.

That's why I've always been so afraid that someone else will take your place while you're not around.
Then I realised.
It'll never happen.
Cos I never let that happen.
Not once.

You know what.
I should stop looping that song and go to bed.
Tomorrow will be an awesome day okay.
It needs to be.

Tag replies:
Girls: Yes it's bof :] And its not the same guy ah ru. LUCKILY. And, I'm fine. My self recovery skills can be quite great.

Matt: Heya that was really random of you but thanks :] 16june is emo emo emo. But I love it too :] Humans are sadistical in nature. We love things that upsets us don't we? Like cheesy love songs. Hahaha. Cheers!

2009-06-18T02:03:00.003+08:00

I really feel like spilling everything out.
Letting everything out.
Sharing everything.
Let it go.
Let it out.
Let you know.

I know I can't.
It'll just mess up everything that we've built up.
That I've built up.
LOGIC OVER THY HEART.

I just hope you'll never ask.
Never ask why I'm in love with that song.
Please.
Cos I won't have the heart to reply you.

2009-06-18T01:21:00.003+08:00

I hate having such conversations with you.
The situation's so freaking similiar.
Telling those things to you is like a reminder of what I should tell myself.
Freak.
Move on.
So what if she knows.
So what if YOU knew.
Life will be back to normal.
Things will be the same.
Logic over emotions.
Whatever's going to happen a few months from now will still happen.
And you know what. You just might be invited to witness.
SO WHY BOTHER TELLING HER?
Yes, why bother telling?
Reassuring you is like reassuring myself.
Of the fact that whatever that's going to happen, will happen.
And we're both freaking sure about that.

It's so weird you're showing me what I've already read two years ago.
Telling me things I've guessed.
Feeling the same way I feel.
Keeping track like how I do.
Our sources of inspirations.
Just that the protaganists of each stories are switched.
But how can I ever tell you that I already knew almost everything.
This is really one time I don't want to understand how you feel.

I suddenly fear this closeness that we share.
Really.
I just can't answer some of the questions that you ask.
What am I to say?

Yes.
I should be used to it all already.
I need to be.
I know what your answer is.
And I somehow know what's my answer too.

You know. It's going to be different from yours this time round.

You said move on. Where do I go?

2009-06-16T23:36:00.003+08:00

You said move on. Where do I go?

It’s only when you move away from the past, its then you can embrace what the future brings.

Somehow or other, I feel like I’m looking at a mirror.
I felt that you were saying that to me.
It’s so strange that we were doing the same things for the past few years.
Just that, you broke free.
Me?
Let’s just say that I’m still holding on to the past cos the future seems to hold what the past had brought along.
Okay, in short, I can’t.

Today’s awesome.
Amazing full day out :]
Though there’s constantly this reminder to self that haunts me every now and then.
I knew this is coming.
Yet I chose to take this route.
I never regretted a single bit since then.
It’s just that sometimes I can’t help but get caught up with the negative thoughts that run through and through.
Sigh.
It’s like a dream come true.
At the same time, this dream ended that night it started.

Comparisons are easily done
Once you've had a taste of perfection
Like an apple hanging from a tree
I picked the ripest one
I still got the seed

You said move on, where do I go
I guess second best is all I will know

Cause when I'm with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into your eyes

You're like an Indian summer
In the middle of winter
Like a hard candy
With a surprise center
How do I get better
Once I've had the best
You said there's
Tons of fish in the water
So the waters I will test

He kissed my lips
I taste your mouth
He pulled me in
I was disgusted with myself

Cause when I'm with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into...

You're the best
And yes I do regret
How I could let myself
Let you go
Now the lesson's learned
I touched it I was burned
Oh I think you should know

Cause when I'm with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into your eyes
Looking into your eyes
Looking into your eyes
Oh won't you walk through
And bust in the door
And take me away
Oh no more mistakes
Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay

IAG JUNIOR 2!

2009-06-15T23:27:00.003+08:00

IAG JUNIOR 2!

YAY VIVIAN HAD AN AMAZING EXPERIENCE IN I AM GIFTED JUNIOR CAMP :]
AMAZING.

Now its back to the real world again.
Tomorrow's going to be another amazing day.
YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

MISS KAT.

2009-06-11T00:31:00.003+08:00

I'm not Miss Kat.
I'M JUST NOT HER.
I don't want to be.
And I never want to be.
It's too saddening.
I cannot.
I'll die.
I'll lose my sense of direction.
And end up calling people behind mrt stations all the time.
BUT LUCKILY,
I'm VIVIAN.

So let's concentrate on our purpose why we're here.
OKAY WRONG.
Let's jut do what we need to do.
FOCUS.
FOCUS.

2009-06-09T02:18:00.002+08:00

Better?
Yes, definitely a lot better.

Yet, at the same time.
Sadder?
You guess? It's the worst already.

2009-06-09T01:20:00.003+08:00

Shit.
Vivian cui.
Vivian CUI.
VIVIAN REALLY CUI THIS TIME ROUND.
I KNEW IT WAS GOING TO HIT ME DAMN BAD.
I REALLY FEEL THE FEAR NOW.
I don't know what I would have done if you had clicked on the link. This link.

NEVERMIND.
It's over already.
For now.
Let's take a breather.

BOF!

2009-06-08T01:49:00.004+08:00

BOF!

WHEE.
BOF IS LOVE.
I'm going to re-watch the Taiwan version after this.
Gosh.
I conclude that it's an endless addiction.
Like YOU!
Hahahahahaha.
I love it when people call me now. Cos I just changed my ringtone to my fave song.
HAHAHAHAHAH I FEEL LIKE I'M A TEENAGER.

:D :D :D :D :D :D

ENOUGH.

2009-06-06T01:45:00.001+08:00

ENOUGH.
I SHAN'T SEE MORE.
I SHAN'T BE SO SADISTIC.
BYE.
I'M OFF TO BED.
EVERYTHING'S HYPOTHETICAL ANYWAY.
SIGH.

STRESS.

2009-06-03T22:33:00.001+08:00

STRESS.

I'm damn stressed.

"Don't worry, I'll be there."

That I believe.
BUT I'M STILL VERY STRESSED.
AND I DON'T KNOW WHY.

Boys Over Flowers.

2009-06-02T01:16:00.008+08:00

BOYS OVER FLOWERS.

If I don't reply you on msn, smses, or start to drift away in conversations...
This is what I'm busy with nowadays.
I give you, Boys Over Flowers :]
Korea's version of my all time favourite Meteor Showers :D

And this is...
My Fave.
My Love.
HAHAHAHAHAHA.

Ahh. It's good to just stay in an imaginary world every now and then.
I finally feel like a little girl again.
Been trying to grow up too fast and it's a little tiring.
At least I know it's not real and it's imaginary.
Blatant truth.
Okay, I'm going back to my love. HAHAHA.

P.S. AH RU. Luckily our love's not the same guy. HAHA.

Carrots, coffee beans or eggs?

2009-06-01T23:54:00.003+08:00

Carrots, coffee beans or eggs?

I want to be a coffee bean.
But I'm a selective egg.
So we don't need to do things we don't wish to.
Not anymoreeeeeeee.

SAJC THIS THURS AND FRI. I CAN'T WAIT. I CAN'T WAIT.

:D :D :D

When I'm with you

2009-06-01T01:53:00.000+08:00

When I'm with you
I'll make every second count
Cos I miss you
When ever you're not around
When I kiss you
I still get butterflies years from now
I'll make every second count
When I'm with you

(:

Keep On Moving. Keep The Faith

2009-05-31T21:54:00.005+08:00

Keep On Moving. Keep The Faith.

Well, holiday's over.
And I'm back where I left it.
Truth be told, I didn't want to come home initially.
At all.
Not only cos Korea's beautiful.
But I guess I just couldn't bear to finish off what I left back here at home.
I was there without my phone and it felt that I restarted everything that I had.
It felt like I was in another new world.
I got myself connected to my world for 20 minutes and it left me nothing but dismal silence.
Disappoinment.
Regrets.
Melancholy.
I want to run away. Escape. I wish.
It never came true and I'm back.

It's okay. No worries.
Talked to a friend.
Met another one.
And yeah, it's part and parcel of life.
It's not about what you get at the end.
It's about the process :]

There's always gonna be another mountain.
I'm always gonna wanna make it move.
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes you're gonna have to lose.
Ain't about how fast I get there.
Ain't about what's waitin on the other side.
It's the climb.
-Miley Cyrus, The Climb

Much Ado About Nothing

2009-05-22T00:24:00.004+08:00

Much Ado About Nothing

BENEDICK
I do love nothing in the world so well as you: is
not that strange?

BEATRICE
As strange as the thing I know not. It were as
possible for me to say I loved nothing so well as
you: but believe me not; and yet I lie not; I
confess nothing, nor I deny nothing.

Beautiful.
Yay. I finally got my wish of watching a play under the stars :D Much Ado About Nothing was (and is still) being played by the Singapore Repertory Theatre, in Fort Canning Park. Pity it was a little too cloudy. Then again, I rather that than the slight drizzle minutes before the show.

It was a charming night watching a Shakespearean work in such an outdoor setting. I just love the different experience that you get from watching this play compared to what you get in conventional theatres. Not that I dislike the latter but I guess there's a entirely new charisma about it. We got a chance to be close to the stage and you feel the whole play literally come to life around you. What comes after that is just plain amazement for three hours :D :D

Hmmmm.. I can't quite recall when was the last time I caught a play. But it feels great to get in touch with theatre again, even as an audience. I'm satisfied :D

There's always been this impeccable charm about theatre and the stage that makes you just fall in love with it every single time. To me at least.

And I know for sure, theatre will never be 'Much Ado About Nothing'.

Same goes for Love as well :]

TA!

2009-05-21T14:10:00.003+08:00

TA!

Just came home from schools' programme. I guess to a certain extend I still find it amazing how things have changed and to be what they are today.

It seems like just yesterday I was one of many faces in the crowds attending schools' programme. That was when YY was our TA. AND NOW HE'S ALREADY A TRAINER. I think my girls would still remember that three days spent in school in our DRAMA STUDIO. (I nearly forgot the name. Maybe it's suggesting time to go visiting.)

It's like plain NOSTALGIA.

Yet today, I'm officially sitting at the back messing around with the sound system. Interesting switch in roles. :]

Although I was only there for like half a day and took on an onlooker role, I still could feel the same amount of emotions and goosebumps, if not more. It's great to listen to trainings again and feel part of this whole Make A Difference family. I really got to see how it is like to put in a part of yourself during camps. That's what we all do don't we? Coaching is about sharing and giving away a part of yourself.

Everyday, the trainers meet and train students that they'll never see or meet again. If so, what drives them further? Well. I guess sometimes you just have to think with your heart and do whatever that you feel is right. It's the same with coaching I feel.

What drives me? I guess it's the same reasons that make Andrea tear today. All it takes is just a small note of thanks.

We may think that we mean nothing, but to someone out there, you could have made a dent, either big or small, in his/her universe. Never doubt what you can do, because nothing's too big that you can't do. Today I stepped into the school thinking it'll just be a nostalgic session, do my job then pack up and leave. When the TAs were on our way to flag a cab back home, a few of the girls came up to us and handed over a bottle of drink to us to thank us. It was just a gesture of goodwill but it meant a lot. I guess that's what people all need, to feel appreciated.

So many thoughts in that few hours.

It's really great to work with people who have so much passion in whatever they do. People who have so much belief in the world.
People who speaks from the heart.
People who just make you have faith in love again.
Love not in terms of romantic love.
It's a kind of love that is like no other.

Tomorrow's at St marg's!

Do you feel GOOD?

2009-05-19T23:51:00.002+08:00

Do you feel good today???

I FEEL GOOD!
Was at camp launch the other day. Felt the sudden urge to do camps :(
I MISS:
Where's the peanut
Superhero claps
Slippery slope
Postman walk
Hungry cheer
WHOOSAYYYY.

They're having camp at the other side of the island now.
RAH.
SIAN.
BLAH.
It's okay, at least I got a lunch date tomorrow.

DEAREST DING,
enjoy camp :] I'll be with you in spirits. I'LL MISS YOU. Give me a WHOOSAY!!!!!! See you in a long long while............. SIGH.

Love Only Thyself.

2009-05-17T15:47:00.004+08:00

Love Only Thyself.

Read this some time ago. Food for thought :]

There's a legend of Narcissus, a youth who knelt daily beside a lake to contemplate his own beauty. He was so fascinated by himself that, one morning, he fell into the lake and drowned. At the spot where he fell, a flower was born, which was called the narcissus.

Legend has it that it was how the word 'narcissistic' came about.

But this was not how the author of the book ended the story.

When Narcissus died, the goddesses of the forest appeared and found the lake, which had been fresh water, transformed into a lake of salty tears.

'Why do you weep?' the goddesses asked.
'I weep for Narcissus,' the lake replied.
'Ah. it is no surprise that you weep for Narcissus,' they said, 'for though we always pursued him in the forest, you alone could contemplate his beauty close at hand.'

'But...was Narcissus beautiful?' the lake asked.
'Who better than you to know that?' the goddesses said in wonder. 'After all, it was by your banks that he knelt each day to contemplate himself!'

The lake was silent for some time. Finally, it said,

'I weep for Narcissus, but I never noticed that Narcissus was beautiful. I weep because, each time he knelt beside my banks, I could see, in the depths of his eyes, my own beauty reflected.'

We all love ourselves more than anything else don't we?

I'm not a Princess. This isn't a Fairytale.

2009-05-14T23:28:00.004+08:00

Never A Fairytale :]

Recently I've gotten chances to see things that I didnt want to see.
It's like I stopped living in self denial.
Self denial is a dangerous thing. Right.
I see things a lot clearer now.
A little less complicated.
But a little less pretty too.
A little uglier, a little more painful.
It's okay, at least I see my world clearer now.
And I can breathe a little easier too.

Thanks for showing me that my world is not that pretty after all.
Now I know what's truly important.
Those that don't matter, be gone, good riddance.
Better now than never.

I'm stepping out from my door that you've broke open.
I'm moving out from things and people that don't matter.
It's going to hurt real bad.
It's going need alot of screaming and cursing and swearing maybe.
I use to think for awhile.
Why tear down everything I had, make me believe in nothing else but you.
What does it leave me with when you finally leave?
That was what that scares me more than anything else.
It was never what I saw that upset me.
It was knowing the fact that I was going to be left behind in that mess that had me thnking.

Yet now I know, I won't be falling and you'll always be not far away.
We lose some, we win some :]
Somehow or other, I'm feeling a change up ahead.
I feel a change inside.
It's like realisation of things around me just spark a certain something inside.

It's different now.
I was never a princess.
And it was never a fairytale.
There's so much more I want to do now :]

Dreamer

2009-05-13T00:47:00.005+08:00

Dreamer

I am a dreamer.
A believer.
If only I'd grown up a little faster.

I suddenly miss that someone who use to be awake at this time to give midnight calls.

Vivian wants to make things right.

2009-05-01T23:00:00.005+08:00

Vivian wants to make things right.

She's sorry for whatever negative things I said,
erase away all those words said in impulse,
throw out all pessismistic thoughts,
and she's very apologetic if it was said for the veneer of vanity.
She want to take away, erase away and throw out all of it,
just to make things right again.

She just want things to be back like how they were again.
How things were planned as they were supposed to.
Let it be please.
Please.
Please.
Please.
Please.

:(

It's Been Four Great Months.

2009-05-01T02:07:00.004+08:00

It's Been Four Great Months.

30 April 2009 (a few hours short)
Four months since 31st of December came with a huge surprise, took my breath away and made so many changes to my life.

I spent my half my day thinking about the people that came into my world just in this short span of time.

Some came and lingered on.
Some came and left.
Some came, made a lot of noise and then left.
Some came with a bang then slowly fade away.
Some were already around but came closer and stayed on longer.
Some came and inspired.
Some came and sweep you off your feet then left as quickly as they came, leaving you deep in thoughts figuring out what has just happened.
Some re-appeared amazingly and which leaves you back in that same reverie.
Some became always there.
Some became a phone call away.
Some become like a habit. A bad habit you can't kick.
:D :D :D

I stood at the entrance of zoo today and thought about it all day.
And all of a sudden, I just felt very loved.
Because of all these people, I really felt very loved.
For those who were there and those who were not.
Cos those who were not made me feel how loved I am from thsoe who were around all the time.

In the whole wide world, billions of people walk past each other everyday. Yet, out of all that chances, I'm lucky to have stopped by and met you :]

I'm really really very lucky.

So I'm going to give you that love while I can too :]

FREE CONE'S DAY!

2009-04-21T22:48:00.005+08:00

Smile!
How not to feel happy, when you're surrounded with happiness each day?
There're always smiles every corner,
cheery laughter every few steps,
splatters of colours everywhere,
refreshing scent in every breath,
free cones at every entrance! (I TOOK THREE TODAY HAHA),
and...
occasional unintentional surprises that makes your heart skip a million beats.

That is all it takes to keep that smile on the whole day long! :D

I realised.
When in doubt,
or when troubled,
confused,
and upset inside,
turn them all into smiles and give them away.

Be Extraordinary.

2009-04-18T15:07:00.008+08:00

Be Extraordinary.

Susan Boyle on Britains Got Talent 2009!! Incredible Voice!! @ Yahoo! Video

Indeed.
Why are we always in awe whenever someone ordinary steps forth and becomes extraordinary?
Susan Boyle is such an example.
There's Paul Potts, who was an ordinary salesman before he decided to live a dream he dreamt long ago.

Why are we so when someone like that does something far more amazing than we would have expected them to?
Like what a press report said, "Why are we so shocked when 'ugly' women can do things, rather than sitting at home weeping and wishing they were somebody else?"
Why are we so touched, moved by her?
Why do we get teary eyed and goosebumps when we see something extraorinary?

Is it...
Cos she did what we only dared to dream of.
Cos she took a step forth while we sat at home and watched, wishing we could have the same courage.
Cos she chose to be to be on the show.
Cos she chose to be extraordinary.

Then. Why do we always expect people to be ordinary?
We always choose to take a step back, but why do we always expect others to do just the same?

Be touched, moved by the light she let herself shine.
Not cos you wish you're her and can do something extraordinary.
Cos we all are extraordinary to begin with.

That's why she's beautiful.

2009-04-16T22:16:00.003+08:00

You don't love a woman cos she's beautiful.
She's beautiful cos you love her.

That's why she's beautiful.
That's why she's beautiful.
That's why she's beautiful.

Faith

2009-04-14T22:39:00.001+08:00

Faith and Hope makes all things possible.
Love makes all things worthwhile :]

I want to name my daughter Faith :]

15th 15th 15th!

2009-04-13T23:10:00.005+08:00

Hello!
Just a few more days!
Hang in there! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
It feels so long already.

I was just thinking about the sparks that happen in relationships.
All that sparks, goosebumps, electrifying seconds, intensities, whatsoever.
Everything seems so magical, so perfect, so right.
Then why do you see them break up?
True enough, everything that starts with a spark will end as fast as how the spark started off.

Well, or at least this is something that I'm starting to believe strongly in.

YET.
It only takes a spark, to keep the fire going!!!!!!
HAHA :D :D :D

VIVIAN IS VERY DEPENDENT ON YOU.

2009-04-12T00:53:00.006+08:00

I thought I could be independent.
I have to be independent.
That was what I told myself.
I spent the whole morning thinking that I'm independent.

Then crap just needs to happen.
That's when I realise whatever I said in the morning doesn't count.
I'm still struggling to learn.

And I'm still very dependent.

KIDZWORLD :]

2009-04-09T00:04:00.003+08:00

I'm glad I'm working in the zoo.
Pretty animal carousel. (Yes I can operate a carousel hahahaha COOL.)
Insanely wild water playground.
Amazing splatters of colours everywhere.
And I saw Mr Hot guy that day!
What a Happy place to be in.
What's there not to feel Happy about?

I was watching after the kids in the water playground, and it amazed me how they just go crazy at the mere sight of water.
The kids are mad. Honestly.
Every little splash of water can tickle them.
They just get extremely excited over every thing.
And they're just so good at self recovery.
I keep seeing kids falling down and bawling their lungs out. But once they see the big splash coming, WOOH. They'll pick themselves up and start to yell and scream as though nothing happened again.

When was the last time you let loose and laughed so much?
Kids are really amazing.

I probably can now. Let loose on the other extreme of emotions.
If not for the kids, I'll probably have done so.
There's just so much happinss in the air that makes you want to do your best to feel happy too.

P.S. Can I just borrow 5 months of your lifetime?

Let it hurt a little longer.

2009-04-08T00:43:00.003+08:00

Let it be my priority for now.
Let me have things my way for now.
Let me do things I've never and ever would have done.
Let me feel things that I would never ever feel again.
Let me do everything that's insane.
Let me be.
Let me find sanity in this imaginary painting of mine.

Even if I were to get hurt.
Even if it's stupid and silly.
Even if it's a useless fight.
Even if it's a dead end.

And if it were to hurt,
and if it were to hurt,

Then.

Let it hurt so bad until you don't feel the pain anymore.
Let it be so upsetting until you'll not feel it anymore.

So let me feel the pain.
A little harder.
A little closer.
A little more longer.

2009-04-06T22:48:00.003+08:00

Why is it that you're always right.
Why is it that you're always say the right things at the right times.
Why is it that you're always so close when I need you to.

I KNOW I'M ASKING FOR IT.

I'M AN IJ GIRL.

2009-04-04T18:56:00.002+08:00

Faith can move mountains, so can you.
Hope is an awaking dream.
Joy. Happiness is a choice, not a destination.
Love is what makes the world go round.
Courage is grace under pressure.

Each day lived in Faith, Hope, Joy, Love and Grace.
This is what it means when we say we're IJ girls :]

I DON'T NEED TO STAY ONLINE ANYMORE! :D

2009-03-30T02:10:00.004+08:00

I guess I have been away from virtual networking world for too long.
It's feeling weirddddddddddddddd.
There were times where I'll just stay in front of the screen, be occupied until something happens and finally go to bed in the mornings. LOLS.
BUT! That was then.
Hmm. I had this sudden realisation just the other day. That I don't seem to need to use msn anymore. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
I don't know if it's good or bad.
It just again, feels weird staying online at this time now.
Feels different from before.
Like I don't belong.
And should be elsewhere :]

Like out of the house. Eating happy meal.
:]

2009-03-29T02:44:00.001+08:00

What's there to be unhappy about?
When there's so many more things to be happy about :]

SLEEP.

2009-03-26T22:43:00.002+08:00

What's the best remedy to moody spirits?
Sleep.
I woke up at around 4 today.
Yay.
Happy.
I think.
Whee.

2009-03-26T00:33:00.002+08:00

The mind is blank,
and the heart feels heavy.
All over and over.
Again.

:(

I need. I need.

2009-03-23T22:34:00.003+08:00

I need to clear my desk.
I need to pack my room.
I need to wake up early tomorrow.
I need to apply for uni.
I need to find back things I've lost.

I need to answer all that 'Why's' running through my head.
I need to figure out why I'm feeling this way now.
I need to sort out my thoughts.

But HECK. Whatever. Who cares.
Why do I need to second think so much.
Why do I need to put up with whatever that I don't like.
Why do I need to be affected by whatever you have to say all the time.
It's childish, it's immature. But hey, we all need a break sometimes.

I just need to let all the negative emotions overwhelm me for once.
I need retail therapy.
I need pints of ice cream.
I need cartons of chocolates.
Oh wells.
Maybe I just need to stay busier so I won't have time to think.

I need my great inspiration.

2009-03-23T20:01:00.001+08:00

I know it'll be alright.
I know I'll be alright. Soon.
I just need a bit more getting use to.

Fish bowl!

2009-03-22T18:28:00.003+08:00

Sometimes it's nice to take time off and hide in your own little world.
Doing absolutely nothing.
I just want to stay in my own fish bowl for awhile.
Perhaps awhile longer.
No small talks.
No deliberate :] when I really don't feel like.
Whatever.
I can't be bothered.
At least not today.

2009-03-16T00:41:00.001+08:00

I guess I was wrong about a lot of things.
I don't know why but all I see is an end of a journey.

2009-03-07T22:44:00.006+08:00

What is your True Fear? Your Result: Disappointment You are a fun-loving, energetic, and cheerful person. You love adrenaline rushes, and going out at night. You constantly have to be having a great time to feel completely happy. Your biggest fear is not having anything to do, or having a huge disappointment/let down in your life. You hate being sad, and if something in your life suddenly went wrong it would be extremely hard for you to deal with. Just remember that everyone has to deal with hard times. Stay strong, and pretty soon your fun, party life will get right back the way it used to be.
Looked down on
Commitment
Losing Someone
Being Alone
Where Your life is Going
Death
What is your True Fear? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

Well, I don't usually do quizes and post them up. But this one I must say is hauntingly accurate to a great extend. True true?

Oh ya, vivian can recover as quickly as how she can turn moody.
Thanks to fate and affinity at the right time and a fizzy drink :]

Farewell for now,
I'm leaving civilisation for pretty stars and sunsets again :]
Happy :]
I'll miss you! :]

Packing........

2009-03-07T21:06:00.002+08:00

I realised...
It's not the camping stuffs that are hard to pack.
It's the baggage of emotions that I'm struggling with.

My Rainbow :]

2009-03-07T17:17:00.011+08:00

I finally saw a rainbow that day. After a long long while. 3 years?

There're many many stories about the rainbow. Someone reminded me of one the other day in camp, which left me in deep thoughts for the entire night.

The story tells that at the end of the rainbow, lies the secret hiding place for leprechaun's pot of gold. But no one has ever reached, or even seen the end of the rainbow. Those who chased a rainbow before, you'll know how the more you walk towards the rainbow, the further it'll move away.

The end of the rainbow is an impossible dream, something that we can only seem to stretch and stretch and yet, never reach it. It’s not being pessimistic, it’s Science.

If you know that something is impossible, will you still do it?
If you know you can never ever reach it, will you still keep walking towards it?

If you know it might take you a lifetime, will you still believe in it?

Then he reminded me. More than often, deep down within each of us, there’s always an ‘impossible’ dream. Are you going to give up just cos of the impossibility of the idea? Just because you can’t reach it or you going to turn back and walk away?

It’s when we all forgot.

It’s not about the destination, it’s about the journey.

It made me stop and think hard.

And I remembered that the journey towards it intrigued me more than the destination did.

I remembered those moments when my heart skipped a beat.

I remembered those times where there was only me in the journey, yet I felt like I had everything I wanted. What’s spending a lifetime searching for those moments?

Remember……

Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take, but by every moment that takes your breath away.

It’s not about the end.

It’s the journey towards it.

Take a look back sometimes. Instead of seeing how far there is to go, it’s good to turn around at times to see how far you’ve come. See how far you’ve walked from the other end of the rainbow instead. See how far you’ve walked from the ‘beginning’ of the other side instead.

Every end can be a beginning as well. Its how you choose to see it, isn’t it?

And more importantly.

Enjoy the process :]

P.S. I saw the end already. But I'm still walking and walking. And walking.

2009-03-05T23:26:00.001+08:00

VIVIAN NEEDS TOMORROW TO COME FASTER :(
:(
:(
:(

2009-03-04T01:33:00.001+08:00

Why fight a losing battle?

2009-02-20T01:40:00.000+08:00

VIVIAN IS FEELING HAPPYYYYYYY.

YAY!

2009-02-19T04:21:00.002+08:00

Hmmmmmmmmm.
There're many things going through my mind now.
I just can't seem to put all of them down in words.
SIGH.

Moving On........

2009-02-19T03:03:00.004+08:00

Went back to school the other day with ding. We sat in the caf and blended into the crowd. The caf's still the same old one, yet..... there's something different about it at the same time. It didn't feel like how it felt like before.

It was then I realised how many things changed. I know I'm stating the obvious la. I guess I just felt that everything would be the same after I left. Like the school's still there, the teachers would still be there, the familiar spots around school and everything else along with it. Well, I was wrong in a way. Everything's still the same, just that they are peppered new additions. Like ding's art room, its still the same. Beneath that new coat of paint, its still the same old art room. Just that she needs to make room for new students. Same goes with our sc room.

Truth be told, they moved on. Without us. In our absence, they still moved on. With Ease.

It's okay. Luckily, we moved on as well.
Have I? Let's all give each other the benefit of doubt.

Hmm. How would you know if its time to move on?

What made two souls who were deeply, madly in love think about such a question of moving on?
Cos he/she is not the right one.
Cos he/she........ (the word we all love to use) changed.

Well I have no answers to my own question. Cos I'm questioning myself as well.

2009-02-19T00:07:00.003+08:00

We're in the.....
Twlight of our teenage years...
Springtime of our youth!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

2009-02-16T00:09:00.002+08:00

FATED. Its like FATED.

It's really funny how life works.
Sometimes we keep searching and trudge on to find something to no avail.
Then, fate dawns on us when we least expect it to.

Perchance this is how everything works.

Take a step back, and who knows, you just might find whatever you're looking for right under your feet :]

2009-02-13T23:29:00.002+08:00

Goodness gracious me. I think I looped the wrong song.

Attitudes are contagious.
Oh dear, I think I caught the wrong one.

Happy Valentine's Day :]

2009-02-13T21:22:00.003+08:00

I MISS VALENTINE'S DAY IN SCHOOL :(

I miss bringing bagful of presents to school.
I miss bringing bagful of presents back from school!
I miss the roses, chocolates, balloons, red and pink stuffs all around school.
LOLS. Cliched but oh wells, I'm that kind that falls for the roses trick HAHAHAHA.
I miss randomly giving vday hugs to girlfriends in school.
I miss seeing girls with huge huge bunches of roses waiting to be given out.
I miss having tables filled with happy vday wishes!
I miss giving vday as an excuse for not having lessons!
I miss, I miss.
And I miss YOU!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

HAPPY VALENTINE'S EVERYONE :]

Memory. All alone in the moonlight.

2009-02-12T11:47:00.006+08:00

Memory is a Gift and a Curse.

Huamns are all sentimental creatures. We like to look back in our lives once in awhile.

Some people choose to keep looking back at the bad memories. That certain moment in time where you failed. It's great how some people can pick themselves up from there and move on. Look back at the mistakes, and move on! Yet, how many can break free from that bad experience so fast. We regret, we blame, we get upset. Then wallow in self-pity. In the meantime, the rest of the world move on with life.

They say, you should only look back to see how far ahead you've moved.

Others choose the more optimistic side of life. It can be great to relive certain points of your life that took your breath away. Yet, it turns into retrograde when we choose to live in that past and keep looking back. Dwelling in the past. You keep thinking about what has happened and missed out what is happening right now. You keep looking at the pretty pictures of the past and missed out on the beauty of the present. Again, you can't move on.

I spent 2 years struggling with the former. But I've learnt to let go. The latter................. OH WELLS.

We're all Superheroes!

2009-02-11T22:13:00.005+08:00

Today was a day spent with empowering words :D
Re-visiting empowering memories during camps, reading empowering books. I always felt that the word 'empower' is too vague. What does it mean to empower? What is empowering?

em•power /mpa(r)/
verb
1 (formal) to give sb the power or authority to do sth:
2 to give sb more control over their own life or the situation they are in:

To empower.
It is to believe.
It is to give someone the authority to liberate themselves.
It is to give someone the key that unlocks themselves from within.
It is to tell someone that they are the Star in their lives.
It is to give someone the power and courage to tell the world, 'I'm the World's Greatest.'

More importantly, it is about believing in YOURSELF.
It is to give Yourself the authority to liberate Yourself.

More often than not, we forgot that we have total freedom and that we can be in total control of our lives. How many times did we feel upset about things that went wrong in our lives? Then is when we forgot, we have complete freedom to choose whether or not to feel upset or move on with it. How many times have we shy away from a difficulty, cos we rather not take risks? How many times have we said to ourselves, AHH it's all fate. How many times have we chose to let others take the lead, cos we think that there's someone else better for the job?
There's always a fear deep within that holds us back.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You're a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We're all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine, we subconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." -Marianne Williamson

I always feel goosebumps all over the place when I read this. It has been my favourite quote since I began my new journey. But its until recently I saw the beauty and essence of it. We're all Superheroes in our lives. To my prince and princesses from Woodlands Ring, thanks for letting your Superheroes know this. Your belief in your Superheroes made us realised how indeed we can be powerful. We all can shine. For the 3 days and 2 nights, we did our best for you guys. Yet, it was that accident in the training shed that led me to really feel how to the world, you may be just someone; but to someone, you can be the world to them. Yes, you can be that powerful. You guys led us to believe in ourselves. We are Your superheroes.

I always go into camps with the mindset of empowering others. Yet, when the day ends, I was the one who left the place empowered.

The power isn't in the stars, but in your Mind, your Heart, and the choices you make everyday.
You're the Writer,
the Director,
and the Star in your life.
And you can play the part in whatever way you choose.

St Pat's Live! Ops

2009-02-11T01:25:00.004+08:00

St Pat's booster session today! It was nostalgic in a way, seeing the kids again after so long. Well, after all this was my very first camp. Looking back, I saw things I've done, events I've went through. Similarly, things that I could have done better, things that I didn't do.

I'll always remember this very first camp I had. It stood for many many things I guess. Like mentioned, so many Firsts. And this, is the First of all Firsts :D It signifies the beginning of growth I think. And I got a super steep learning curve for a First camp :] I'll remember my mirror Izzat, Acoaches Greg and James, my Prince Charmings from 1E1! Thanks for all that lessons.

In life, we always have a choice.
Choose happiness over sorrow.
Challenge over difficulty.

I can't change my yesterdays,
but I can change my tomorrows.
So, let's unwrap this gift we have,
which we all like to call, the present.